Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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