Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
