Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
