It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
