I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
