if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
