If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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