did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
