All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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