can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hippo gnu deer
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
