I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
