Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
