Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
