He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
