So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
