I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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