I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
