very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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