I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
