Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
