I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
