I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
