Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
