Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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