I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
