You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
