When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's just like the Real World with babies
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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