This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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