I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Randomize
