We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
