remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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