He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
