Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
