oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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