I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
