The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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