yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
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