i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
