New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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