Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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