Tell her she can't have a vagina
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
