Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
