Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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