Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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