Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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