Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
