If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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