I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
