I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
