His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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