can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
