I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
