You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
