Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
