i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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