I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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