it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
