best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
