do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
