im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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