YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize