i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
