so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
handjob tips. give me some.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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