She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Enjoy the penises
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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