called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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