in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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