Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
