Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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