i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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