You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my shit smells like andre
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
